Saturday, March 23, 2013

Leno vs Fallon - Gearhead vs Dork

Jay with his '55 Buick Roadmaster. Ask Jimmy about the car
 and you'll get a lame imitation of Rain Man

By now you've probably heard the news that NBC is planning to push out Jay Leno as the host of the Tonight Show and replace him with uber-dork Jimmy Fallon, who currently hosts Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.

Proving that the suits at NBC learned nothing from the Conan O'Brien fiasco, they've managed to get into a very public war with Leno, who's done nothing but lead the 11:30 time slot for most of his 20 years on the job.

Supposedly the younger Fallon is supposed to bring in that coveted young hip viewer that advertisers supposedly want. I guess credit repair and Google ads to thousands of hipsters bring in more bucks than selling Viagra to millions, what do I know.

I do know that Fallon isn't funny. He comes across as a dorky nervous guy who's twitching on the stage on Open Mike Night at The Comedy Store. Fallon is somebody you'd ask to do a eulogy to insure that no one laughs during the funeral.

If someone does laugh at one of Fallon's jokes, odds are it's Jimmy Fallon

His humor might get some laughs in the break room at the office, but hosting the Tonight Show pays millions, and I can't figure out why Jimmy Fallon is the man for the job other than he has to be the biggest ass kisser in show business. I've heard that he's a nice guy and he seems nice enough most of the time, but then again most ass kissers are.

My hunch is that the suits at Comcast and NBC want someone who always follows orders and is a consumate Yes Man. Jay Leno has grown too rich and independent for their needs, even though he's worked hard and brought in the ratings cash.

OK, so what does this have to do with cars?

It's just that Jay Leno is probably the world's biggest gearhead and he has a warehouse loaded with a collection of classic cars of every kind that even automotive museums only dream of having.

Jay's collection is far too vast to cover here, but he does have a great web site of his collection called Jay Leno's Garage.

On his site, Jay has dozens of videos covering one of his favorite cars. Leno knows his way under the hood, and if he doesn't he brings on an expert who can elaborate on the car's specs and history. After a walkaround presentation of the car, Jay will take it for a ride around the streets of northern Burbank near his garage and occasionally onto a mountain road above the 210 Freeway. If Leno is testing a high performance ride, he'll treat you to a massive smoking burnout on the street leading to his place.

Here's Jay test driving the 2013 Mustang Boss 302;

Take a look around at Jay's Garage, and if you're a car lover like me, you'll spend hours going over his presentation videos and other interesting features

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Ace of Spades Tips For Long Distance Driving

During the early morning hours of March 6, Ace of Spades, one of the blogosphere's funniest men, fueled by lack of sleep and overdoses of caffeine, decided to share his experiences on Twitter on how to best negotiate long distance driving.

The hashtag #tipsforlongdistancedriving was then created by the mysterious Ewok

The hilarity is too voluminous to fully provide here, go to the hashtag for some demented and malevolent enjoyment. Here are a few of the highlights from Ace;

DepressiveBlogger69 @AceofSpadesHQ
Masturbating is a good way to kill 10, 15 minutes.
Ride-shares are great for gas money and interesting discussions like "Neither of us will survive this, you know"

 A Car is just a motel that moves real fast. just nap. That's what guardrails are for.

There's nothing like family touring. You can pick up at family at virtually any rest stop.

Pretend you're Knight Rider by recording KITT saying things like "Please slow down" and "You've hit a child"

Remember there are only two types of drivers: The Victim and The Menace. Don't be The Victim.

Others of course joined in with these gems;

When the policeman asks if you know why you were pulled over, ask him if there is blood leaking from your trunk

The 'Check Engine' light is just a suggestion. If the car is running, the engine is still there.

 FInd the truck stop that sells a 9 volt deep fryer

Flip off every "Welcome To..." sign and yell "Welcome To My Ass" out the window.

Including Yours Truly ...

 If the cop pulling you over has a high voice, saying both "sir" and "ma'am" will cover any gender confusion

If you're broken down at night, tow trucks may have a problem seeing you. Set your car on fire

you can see an intersection just as well under a red light as you can a green one

If you get into an accident, drive in reverse as fast as possible to turn back time

Many, many more as I said, enjoy. Add a few of your own if you have some funny ones to share

Remember the motto of  - "Please Be Evil"