Saturday, March 9, 2013

Ace of Spades Tips For Long Distance Driving

During the early morning hours of March 6, Ace of Spades, one of the blogosphere's funniest men, fueled by lack of sleep and overdoses of caffeine, decided to share his experiences on Twitter on how to best negotiate long distance driving.

The hashtag #tipsforlongdistancedriving was then created by the mysterious Ewok

The hilarity is too voluminous to fully provide here, go to the hashtag for some demented and malevolent enjoyment. Here are a few of the highlights from Ace;

DepressiveBlogger69 @AceofSpadesHQ
Masturbating is a good way to kill 10, 15 minutes.
Ride-shares are great for gas money and interesting discussions like "Neither of us will survive this, you know"

 A Car is just a motel that moves real fast. just nap. That's what guardrails are for.

There's nothing like family touring. You can pick up at family at virtually any rest stop.

Pretend you're Knight Rider by recording KITT saying things like "Please slow down" and "You've hit a child"

Remember there are only two types of drivers: The Victim and The Menace. Don't be The Victim.

Others of course joined in with these gems;

When the policeman asks if you know why you were pulled over, ask him if there is blood leaking from your trunk

The 'Check Engine' light is just a suggestion. If the car is running, the engine is still there.

 FInd the truck stop that sells a 9 volt deep fryer

Flip off every "Welcome To..." sign and yell "Welcome To My Ass" out the window.

Including Yours Truly ...

 If the cop pulling you over has a high voice, saying both "sir" and "ma'am" will cover any gender confusion

If you're broken down at night, tow trucks may have a problem seeing you. Set your car on fire

you can see an intersection just as well under a red light as you can a green one

If you get into an accident, drive in reverse as fast as possible to turn back time

Many, many more as I said, enjoy. Add a few of your own if you have some funny ones to share

Remember the motto of  - "Please Be Evil"

No comments:

Post a Comment